September 2nd, 2010
It’s bad enough that you have to lug a heavy bag of worthless direct mail and catalogs that nobody reads, but when you’ve got angry birds swopping down on you while you’re doing it, then it really sucks.
That’s what the mail carriers in Calgary, Canada are dealing with as of late. Seems that the agitated birds of prey are trying get to the mailmen before the neighborhood Rottweilers do.
The air threat has gotten so bad that mail delivery has been suspended. Which means folks in Calgary won’t be getting their weekly issues of People, their low rate credit card applications, or that discreetly wrapped, unmarked package they’ve been desperately waiting for.
Sucks to be without your mail-order blow up bride.
Tags: attack, Calgary, hawk, mail carrier, Ontario
Posted in Animals, Bodily Harm | No Comments »
September 1st, 2010
Detroit Mayor Dave Bing has got to be feeling a little jittery about his own personal safety these days. Seems that the highly-trained Ninja warriors he hired to provide security got robbed.
Yep, the car his security detail was driving had all four tires and rims stolen from under their noses.
Sucks to be the Keystone Cops.
Our guess is that with GM circling the drain like it is, they may have swiped the wheels for the new ‘10 Impalas that are rolling off the line. But a quick check of the premises revealed that the only crime GM committed was actually making the Impala.
But we digress.
No suspects have been apprehended in The Case of The Missing Tires. Although police are looking for anyone with a tremendously huge set of balls.
Tags: Detroit, Mayor Dave Bing, robbed, security, tires
Posted in Dumbasses | No Comments »
August 31st, 2010
When Andrew Ryan’s girlfriend decided to get him a custom-made license plate, she clearly didn’t think the gift all the way through. What she wanted to say with her little present was, “My boy toy is#1.” What she really ended up saying is a combination of “RACIST” and “DUMB ASS.
Next time just stick with a gift card from Dave and Busters. He’d like that better anyway, Adolf.
Tags: andrew ryan, aryan1, license plate
Posted in Dumbasses | No Comments »
August 26th, 2010
We all know you shouldn’t drink and drive. Or text and drive. But apparently, not all of us knew you couldn’t do yourself with a huge honkin’ love toy and drive.
That’s what one woman was doing when an Elmwood Place police officer pulled her over for having tinted windows. (I think we can all guess why they were tinted now).
When cop went to ask the driver for her license, he saw a pantyless woman with a love toy dangling from her cooch, while her boyfriend in the passenger seat rolled hard core porn off the laptop.
Sucks to be that far from a bedroom.
The woman was cited for “inappropriate alertness” and “failure to find the G spot.”
Tags: arrest, dildo, Elmwood Place, Ohio, Police, tinted windows, traffic
Posted in General Suckiness, Perverts | No Comments »
August 25th, 2010
Awkward Family Photos meets This is PhotoBomb meets People Who Deserve It.
In the foreground you’ll find the Myers family taking a picture of themselves in front of the Madison, Wisconsin Capitol.
In the background is their stuff. And some douchebag trying to steal it. Yep, while John and Katharine and kids stopped for a second to get another shot for their Shutterbug memory book, Glenn Lambright decided to photoshop their belongings right out of the scene.
Given the evidence the Myers had, Five Fingers Lambright didn’t get far. And now he’s getting his own portrait taken. By the Madison Police Department.
Sucks to be caught by the family’s own surveillance camera.
Tags: family, Glenn Lambright, John Myers, Katharine Myers, Madison, photograph, robber, Wisconsin
Posted in Criminals | No Comments »
August 24th, 2010
"Hell, Welcome Wagon!"
Well, residents of Skowhegan, Maine, this will show you not to fuck with Old Man Obert. Seems the 84-year-old resident wanted to build a house on his new lot. But when he was denied a permit to erect a home, the “homeless” man went all ironic on the community, and opened up a homeless park on the site.
Now, Skowhegan’s winos, shopping cart pushers and permanently unemployable will be congregating on the well-to-do area of Coburn Avenue, bringing down property values faster than a high-rish mortgage.
The park is equipped with all the latest amenities for the homeless (minus the home, of course), including a picnic table and a porta-potty.
Yeah, nothing like a big blue stinky plastic building to get the neighbors to change the zoning laws, huh?
Currently, there is one resident in the park who’s only comment was, “It ain’t the Ritz. But it is better than a KOA.”
Tags: homeless, Maine, Obert, park, Skowheagan
Posted in Society | No Comments »
August 23rd, 2010
Really? ”Blasts”? And you thought those Muslims with hammers and a blueprint for a Mosque were insensitive? Geeesh.
Tags: blasts, cbs news, Empire State Building, website
Posted in Dumbasses | No Comments »
August 20th, 2010
In his career, the Rocket has faced some tough opponents — Derek Jeter, A-Rod, Jose Canseco with a handful of sharp needles. But now Roger is facing his toughest foe ever — some dude in a robe.
Yep, he’s gotta face a federal judge for lying to Congress.
And when it’s all said and done, he could be spending some time in the judicial system’s version of AAA.
If you recall, some time back, the uber-muscular old man told Nancy Pelosi and her gang of ne’er-do-wells that he never took steroids. Turns out he did. And now Congress is pissed that he’s not an honest angel, like — ahem — they are.
Listen Mr. Clemens, you can get away with a lot of things in this country — just ask the cast of “Jersey Shore.” But one thing you cannot do is sit up on Capitol Hill and tell fibs. Congressman don’t take kindly to that sort of shit. Lying is only acceptable if young pages or hookers are involved. Other than that, you gotta be an honest injun.
So it looks like Roger will be standing trial. And then standing in line to get a body cavity search.
Sucks to be an ex-hero.
Tags: indictment, liar, lying, Roger Clemens
Posted in Legal Matters, Sports | No Comments »
Loading ...
