Boy, does it suck to be Barack Obama.

We know, you’re probably thinking, “WTF, STBY? This guy is ridiculously smart, he’s unbelievably good looking, he’s got Scarlett Johansson on speed dial, and today becomes leader of the entire free world!”

What he also becomes is the inheritor of Bush’s gargantuan pile of stinky garbage. Dubya is that friend you had in college who’d come over for a party, drink all your beer, turf your lawn, break an end table and vomit on the carpet, and then bust-a-move only to leave you to clean it all up in the morning.

Starting this morning, Barack has to get the smell of puke out of our country. He has to resuscitate Wall Street, unbankrupt the housing market, unbankrupt the economy, undo the Patriot Act, unwiretap a gazillion innocent Americans, put an end to a war (or two), get the auto industry to stop making shitty autos, stop the unemployment lines from wrapping around the block, stop the ice caps from melting, stop anti-American sentiment from burning, have a “going out of business” sale at Gitmo, kiss and make up with our allies, solve the energy crisis, solve the credit crisis, find a way to pay off umpteen trillion dollars in national debt, find a way to reverse the trade deficit, find alternative energy sources, and find Osama bin Laden and beat the shit out of him.

President Obama, congratulations on becoming President. We know it’s a great honor. But it’s truly the world’s suckiest job.