Archive for the ‘Public Humiliation’ Category

SUCKS TO BE Stan Still, Paige Turner, Hazel Nutt…oh, we could go on for days

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

publish-baby-name-book“The Most Unfortunate Names in Britain” list is out and there are some comical doozeys on it. Comical, if they’re not your name, that is. Among those gracing the list include  Justin Case, Paige Turner, Chris Cross and Barry Cade.

Yeah, having parents with a warped sense of humor and an IQ of 12 sucks. Just ask Barb Dwyer, who will forever get “I want to poke you” jokes from the guys on the football team.

And ask Mary Christmas, who’s going to have “Jingle Bells” sung to her by every Tom, Dick and Harry in London.

And  ask Anna Sasin, who, even as she’s coming out of the womb, is being implicated in the Kennedy murder.

Way to go parents of the 21st century. Way to saddle your heirs with the baggage that only the Three Stooges and Rodney Dangerfield could really appreciate. You want your kids to have a chance at life? Why not name them Albert Einstein or Bill Fucking Gates. At least you’ll be helping them.

Because Carrie Oakey, Anna Prentice and Bill Board ain’t cuttin’ it.

SUCKS TO BE picked on by PETA

Friday, February 12th, 2010

peta-duggars-300x91

Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, whose 19-children family would qualify them as the nation’s 17th largest city, is getting picked on by the most unlikely of abusers: PETA.

Yep, the animal rights group is pounding on them like Rush Limbaugh on a baby seal.

Their weapon of choice? A billboard.

You see, in northern Arkansas, PETA has put up a rather provocative advertisement that reads, “Doggies multiply faster than Duggars.”

Ouch, PETA. Way to embarrass the USA’s only hope of out-peopling China.

And while it may be true that Daddy Duggar has about as much sexual restraint as a stray Rottweiler, it’s really not nice to publicly humiliate him.

In PETA’s defense, a spokesman said that by using the Duggar name, they hope to encourage pet owners to spay and neuter their cats and dogs.

I don’t know about you, the billboard just makes us want to spay and neuter the Duggars.

SUCKS TO BE the worst thank you note writer of all time

Friday, January 29th, 2010

Picture 1Ever heard of anyone writing a retraction to their thank you note? Now you have.

SUCKS TO BE Gillian Cooke, bare-bottomed British bobsledder

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

SUCKS TO BE caught in the act by Google street view

Saturday, December 5th, 2009
a96866_a536_6-pee

Nature calls in San Francisco

Man and "girlfriend" in Paris

Man and "girlfriend" in Paris

The world is your crapper, Madrid

The world is your crapper, Madrid

Hurling up warm beer in England

Hurling up warm beer in England

If you’re going to do something illegal, embarrassing or dorky make sure that little unmarked truck with all the cameras on its roof isn’t slowly  driving  by. You might be sorry. Forever.

SUCKS TO BE so drunk you can’t buy beer

Saturday, November 21st, 2009

SUCKS TO BE scared out of your mind

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

Happy Halloween, everyone!

SUCKS TO BE the future cause of your best friend's divorce

Friday, September 11th, 2009

Sure, when a guy loses his drawers, it’s sophomorically funny.

When he drops trow on the altar at a wedding, it’s sinfully funny.

But it ain’t going to be so humorous in a couple years when this comes back to haunt your best buddy.

He’ll be fighting with his old lady one day, when she gets fed up with his bullshit and breaks out the big knives, “This marriage is a joke to you, isn’t it. You’ve never taken it seriously. You laughed your way through our vows, for Christ’s sake.” And in every spat the couple has thereafter, she’s got that knife drawer wide open.

And you, Best Man, can take some sucky karma credit for that.

SUCKS TO BE Joshua Neufeld, the worst pre-nup negotiator of all time

Saturday, August 8th, 2009

Picture 7It is a proven scientific fact that when a man enters into marriage, he gives up two things: His opinions and his checkbook. And maybe on occasion, a couple yards of closet space. But no man has never gone as far as to give up his last name.

And then there’s Joshua.

Joshua decided that it might be a good idea to buck a million years of history, tradition and monkey evolution, and take his bride’s surname.

Sucks to be that hard-up and/or stupid, Joshua. Now, while you’re not ducking gawks and ridicule from every man in the world, you’ ve got to go through the indignity of changing your driver’s license and your business cards and your Whipped Men of England Club membership. That crap’s as fem as a Tampax in a purse.

So, knock it off, Josh. Because if you start giving our women any stupid ideas, we’re going to start calling you some name you really don’t like.

SUCKS TO BE a cheating husband with his penis superglued to his body

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

superglue1Piss off one woman, and you sleep on the couch. Piss off four, and you get your weenie Krazy Glued to your torso. At least that’s how it works with the angry ladies of Wisconsin.

You see, when one unnamed man carried on affairs with three different mistresses, he thought he was Don Juan and Nick Jonas all wrapped up into one. What he actually was, was a  huge freakin’ dumbass. Because he failed to hide his little secret from any of the babes he was bagging. And as a result, they all found out he was unfaithful, they all met each other and they all conspired to seek revenge.

Dude? Four pissed off women coming after you? That’s more dangerous than a Garanimals zipper in the hands of  a 3-year-old boy.

As the story goes, the mistresses (Therese Ziemann, Michelle Belliveau and Wendy Sewell) got together with the jilted wife to lure the cheating little bastard to a motel. But instead of greeting him with the most awesome fivesome in the history of Wisconsin adultery, they greeted him with a gluejob.

Then to add insult to injury, they mocked him with comments like, “Hmmm, it gets small when you’re scared.”

Nice.

Let this be a lesson to all men whose eyes wander. Stick to your woman, or she might stick it to you. Literally.