News flash: Central Park is dangerous.
Not because it’s jam packed with crazy heroin addicts, Tourette-stricken homeless people, and, well, New Yorkers. It seems there is also a real live coyote on the loose.
And it’s not the fun kind of coyote that drops anvils on its own head and blows itself up with wheelbarrows full of Amce dynamite. This coyote is armed with sharp claws, big-ass teeth and a wicked case of the rabies. And he’s looking for some housewife from Brooklyn to take out for dinner, if you know what we mean.
Sucks to be surrounded by nature.
As one might imagine, the furry little visitor has brought the terror level in NYC to an all-time high. So much so that Rudy Giuliani is ready to come out of hiding and make a speech.
To make matters worse, officials can’t seem to capture the four-legged Osama no matter how hard they try.
Our advice? Get one of those watch vendors to track the thing down. Nobody can get away from them.
Students from Sweden’s 
If you’re sitting in your house and a logging truck crashes into it, you’re unfortunate.
SUCKS TO BE VICKI WALKER. RECENTLY, SHE GOT 
Enough of us have woken up in the wee hours of the morning with a bar room surprise lying next to us. It’s shocking. It’s horrifying. But when we finally calm the demons in our heads and wipe the vodka gimlet out of our eyes, we take responsibility for dragging the roadkill into our beds. And we repent by vowing sobriety for all eternity. Or at least until the nausea goes away.
If we understand the technology behind the crystal ball correctly, it’s supposed to predict the future, tell us our fortunes, and warn us of impending doom. At least that’s how it worked in Sleeping Beauty.
