What sucks worse?
- Dealing with horrific neck pain from having Texas-sized funbags on your back
- Making sweet love to this squishy cupcake but only having two hands to explore with
- Missing the opportunity to have patented the BackBra
Archive for the ‘White Trash’ Category
SUCKS TO BE endowed with a huge rack. On your back.
Wednesday, December 16th, 2009SUCKS TO BE Lucky You
Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
Sometimes, it’s not good to be lucky. In fact, in this case, it’s downright awful.
But who does it suck to be worse?
- The poor tattoo artist who not only has to stare at this lady’s forest and tributaries for hours, but has to do it with a straight face, knowing the tat he’s so carefully applying is patently false?
- The dude who thinks he’s about to get lucky with said woman, goes south and discovers this travesty of the body as art?
- Or the woman who seriously thinks that putting these two irremovable words right “there” is a smart fucking idea, before popping out 7 kids and forgetting how to use a razor?
Whatever the case, we’re not talking about a case of luckiness. We’re talking about some major, major suckiness.
Thanks to Joe Stanfa for submitting this pic to STBY.
SUCKS TO BE chasin’ raccoons fromunda’ yer trailer
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
Na na na na na, you can't catch me.
We don’t make this shit up.
A 52-year-old woman from the booming metropolis of Portage, Indiana accidentally set her trailer on fire, causing $500 of damage.
She didn’t pass out drunk on Wild Turkey smoking a Winston. She didn’t splatter bacon grease near an open flame. No, said trailer park lady took a bag full of 10 smoke bomb fireworks, set the entire satchel ablaze and threw them under the mobile home…thus setting it ablaze. All to scare off a pesky raccoon.
Sucks to be smoked outta yer own mobile home, by yer own tommyrot. But what sucks even worse is that instead of catchin’ that darn coon, you let it escape under the benefit of smoke cover.
SUCKS TO BE the daughter of Jackie Knott, Alabama’s Mom of the Year winner
Thursday, October 8th, 2009
100309. 100308 more brain cells than pictured here.
Jackie Denise Knott, a 37-year-old upstandin’ mother from Alabama, has been charged with child endangerment after allegedly letting her daughter ride in a cardboard box on top of her van.
Now while this would seem like some good ole’ fashioned fun, say, going 2mph down the driveway, Jackie was hauling ass down a state highway. And she didn’t even hillbilly-rig the box to the roof with duct tape. No, Jackie’s daughter’s life was hanging by the fastening power of a coat hanger.
“The box was so perty—I’d never sawn one like it. But there wasn’t no room in the van for it, so I figgered my daughter could weigh it down ’til we got to the trailer park,” Jackie the master physicist said.
Jackie’s daughter, it sucks to born into stupid. But the good news is you’ve got a real nice box now. Our advice is to pack that thing to the brim, put it back on top of the van, and hit the road.
Don’t worry about what your mother will think. She doesn’t do that.
SUCKS TO BE an outspoken redneck
Thursday, July 30th, 2009
SUCKS TO BE the biggest pieces of white trash in America
Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
Pictured here: 0.00003% of the trash found at the Mallgren Estate.
White Trash just became a proper noun.
John W. Mallgren and his son, John R. Mallgren, of Mastic Beach, New York are facing almost $20,000 in fees and fines after authorities said they removed 42 tons of trash from their property. Their stinking pile of disgustingness filled 10 garbage trucks—about 85,000 pounds in all.
Unfortunately for society, the Mallgrens weren’t on one of those trucks.
And unfortunately for you Mallgren boys, coming up with $20,000 is going to be damn near impossible now that the 13 rusty, broken-down T-Birds you dreamed of restoring someday have been crushed. All that trash that could have been your treasure, gone.
The Mallgrens could not be immediately reached for comment—we reckon dem fancy telaphones dat work real good is jus too damn ‘xspensive for y’all.
