When you’re driving through New York City, you might expect to be run over by Rhasheed, the 1-day immigrant cab driver. You might expect to have your car stripped in a parking lot. You might even expect to have your hub cabs stolen while at a red light. But this? This is even weird for NYC.
Posts Tagged ‘accident’
SUCKS TO BE driving past the most oblivious wrecking ball operator in the world
Thursday, December 3rd, 2009SUCKS TO BE hitting your ejector seat button by accident
Monday, November 2nd, 2009
A few things you need to know before take-off. All carry-on items must be stored securely in the overhead compartment. If an oxygen mask falls from the ceiling, put it on. And, oh yeah, that little red knob to the right isn’t the call button for more free peanuts and $4 beers, it’s the button that will blast you through the ceiling of the plane.
One unfortunate passenger learned Item #3 the hard way.
Apparently, the man, who was riding shotgun on a South African Airforce fighter jet, decided to fiddle around with the instruments. When he hit what he thought was the reading light, he was quickly blasted 100 feet into the sky.
Sucks to have your flight diverted into space, doesn’t it pal?
Luckily, the unidentified man exited with his one permitted carry-on – a fully-functional parachute, which he used to land safely in a field.
So to all your frequent flyers who bitch and moan about the airline losing your luggage, look on the bright side — at least they didn’t lose you.
SUCKS TO BE Erold Sigurdsson, attractor of the log trucks
Saturday, September 19th, 2009
If you’re sitting in your house and a logging truck crashes into it, you’re unfortunate.
If it happens twice, you’re jinxed.
If it happens a third time, then you’re Erold Sigurdsson.
Erold, a 65-year-old homeowner from Ortrask, Sweden, lives on a bend. A bend that truck drivers carrying human deforestation seem to have a hard time negotiating. As a result, they have a propensity to careen out of control, and crash into Erold’s home filled with sweet Ikea furniture and autographed pictures of Ingrid Bergman.
“It’s always so goddamned dark in this country,” explains Sigurdsson. “And it doesn’t help that everyone’s drunk on Absolut.”
Erold, though, refuses to move. And plans on rebuilding. For the fourth time.
Sucks to be his insurance company.
SUCKS TO BE the San Joaquin County Sheriff's Department
Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
Not trying to stress you out, San Joaquin County Sheriff’s Department officials, but this is going to be the most demanding case of your careers. This is the kind of accident scene that separates the hacks from the CSI masterminds.
So put on your Sherlock Holmes hats and be the best investigators you can be. Be sure to analyze every minute detail, over and over again. Order a case of your favorite donuts now, because cracking this mystery is going to require some serious overtime.
Your job sucks bad enough, having to make sense of such tragedy, so we figured it couldn’t hurt to offer our two-cent theory: 9.8m/s^2.
SUCKS TO BE a DIYer down under
Monday, September 7th, 2009
Attention handymen of New Zealand: Put down the nail gun. Drop the power painter. Move away from the instruction manual on how to rewire your house.
Now go back to the safety of your couch and watch the kangaroo races, like you’re supposed to.
You see, a recent study shows that DIY disasters kill nearly 600 people a year in that country. That’s 11 people who die each week from running themselves over with the lawnmower or lobbing their necks off with the weed whacker or falling to their dirtnaps because a shingle was missing on the roof.
The study doesn’t reveal why so many folks in that country are incapable of surviving the honey-do list. It might have something to do with the fact that power tools and 240 ounces of Fosters Lager don’t mix.
The good news is that men of New Zealand now have a rock solid reason for getting out of all that work. The bad news? With all that time on their hands, they now may be forced to go shopping with their wives. Which, as any guy can attest, is a fate worse than death.
