In an attempt to reduce alcohol-related crime, organizers of the popular Bathurst 1000 auto race are limiting attendees to one “slab” of beer a day. For those of you who are not familiar with the Aussie lingo, a “slab” equals 24 cans.
Sucks to throw up on your shoes only once. Sucks to fall on your face and suffer only mild contusions. Sucks to wake with only a 3-alarm headache.
Jesus H. Christ, Aussies. How much beer were you drinking before they had to cut you off at a case? We know you need a whole lot of something to wash down the vegemite and Kangaroo sandwiches, but try a spot of tea. Or a cola.
Because if race officials have to LIMIT you to two freaking gallons of beer a day, you might want to consider attending another event. Like rehab.

When we hammer down the brewskies, God has an infinite number of ways in which to punish us. He can curse us with a two-day head throbber. He can cast upon us the bed spins. Or He might give us particularly bad eye sight at closing time at the bars. But in the Muslim world, the Big Guy is really tough on the boozers: 
What is the value of a human life? Well, if youâre Marcelino de Jesus Martinez of Greenfield, California, the answer to this age-old question can be found inside the Beer Cave at the local Circle K.