"Poker in the front, liquor in the rear. Now we got neither, Stu."

Rest easy, citizens of Baldwinsville, New York. That big gambling ring that’s been tearing at the moral fabric of your community has finally been eradicated. That’s right –  the police have closed down the Canton Woods Senior Center penny-ante poker game.

Whew!

And while it’s great that you can finally let your children back outside, it sucks for the old codgers stuck inside. Because now they’ve got nothing to while away their remaining days but Wii bowling and concerts by tone-deaf 5th graders who can’t remember the words to “This Land is Your Land.”

“This is an outrage,” one fossil proclaimed.  “I won 73 cents yesterday. And $1.04 the day before. Give me another 27 years, and I could have taken old Eugene for everything he’s worth.”

C’mon coppers. Don’t take away the only degenerate joy these guys have left. After all, it’s pretty hard to chase skirts strapped in a scooter. And drinking with the boys would only result a thousand bad drug interactions. So cut them some slack .  And, hey,  if you really want to outlaw something for our senior friends, please make it driving 0.3 mph in a 55 zone.