Sucks to be arrested for a DUI when you’re a Senator.
Sucks to be arrested for a DUI when you’re a Senator leaving a gay nightclub.
Sucks to be arrested for a DUI when you’re a Senator leaving a gay nightclub which you shouldn’t be at because you are publicly known as a fierce opponent of gay rights.
Sucks to be you, Hypocrite Roy Ashburn (R-California). Because you are so never going to get laid by another dude again.
Picture taken at approximately 3:45pm Monday.
At 4:19pm on Monday, 67-year-old Janet L. Ritter of Pennsylvania was arrested at Cumberland County Prison. That’s right, at the prison. Police said that she pulled into the jail parking lot, exited her car with the headlights still on, then came to the door and grabbed an officer by the shirt, demanding he arrest her “so she could help the prisoners inside.”
Just how bad does your life have to suck to be begging to be put in prison—at nearly 70 years old? Has your luck run dry at bingo? Are you going to completely lose it if you watch another hour of QVC? Did that bitch in your knitting class one-up the emotional drama of your heart surgery story…again?
Or were you just piss-ass drunk and overcome with the desire for a man in uniform to give you a good ol’ fashioned round of afternoon delight?
Sucks to be charged with drunken driving, public drunkenness, disorderly conduct and trespassing when all you wanted was to be handcuffed. To a bed.
Missing from the directions: Don't down a keg before using.
WTH, STBY, if he wasn’t driving a car, then how did he end up being charged with a DUI?
Technically speaking, folks, snowmobiles are considered motor vehicles, too. That’s right, on one of the hottest days of the summer, Joseph Quigley dusted off the ole snowmobile and decided to take her for a spin after 1 a.m. in the morning. But not before shotgunning a 30-pack of High Life’s and achieving an impressive .183% BAC.
“It’s so boilin hot, occifer, I’m just tryin ta cool off natrally in the snow,” the shitfaced man said before being tasered by Colchester, Vermont police and arrested for his 5th DUI.
Now, Joeseph, it looks like you’ll be cooling off in a cement prison cell.
Sucks to be you.
Now, Mr. Peterson, I'd like you to hold up a convenience store.
After overdoing it at a Dave Matthews Band concert, Travis Peterson of Madison, Wisconsin, was seeing quadruple and speaking in what seemed like a weird combination of Lithuanian and Pig Latin. Deciding this might be an indication that his blood alcohol level was in the “stay the hell off the road” range, he decided to sleep off his $50 worth of draft beer in the parking lot.
While napping, Travis was awoken by a police officer, who informed him that he had to move is vehicle off the parking lot. Travis, being the responsible drunk that he was, told the cop that he was trying to get sober. The cop, being the responsible parking lot clearer that he was, told him to move the car anyway. When Travis started the engine and pulled away, he was immediately arrested by the parking-lot-clearer-turned-dickhead, who cited him for driving under the influence of alcohol.
As a result, Travis will spend the next 60 days parked in jail.
We’re not sure how the law works in Madison, Officer Ahole. But in the rest of the country, you can’t order people to break the law and then arrest them for doing what they’re told. It’s called entrapment. And douchebaggery. So quit trying to invent your own crime scenes. And go back to hiding in the bushes with your radar gun and your box of glazed Dunkin’s.
Donte learning his fate: he'll need to get someone to water his plants for a few days
A few months back, NFL wide reciever Donte Stallworth ran over and killed a pedestrian while drunk. And now he’s going to do 30 days of hard time for his crime.
Sucks to be you Donte. A little mistake like that and you’re getting sent up the river for what amounts to one dog year? How incredibly unfair. All you did is end a man’s life, and now you’re going to miss 4 good weekends of boozing and the Fourth of July parade?
Talk about judicial unjustice. You’re an athlete. Athletes get out of these things scott free. Just ask Ray Lewis. Just ask OJ.
You should be on the beach right now with a hot babe in one hand and cold mojito in the other. But now, you’ve got to spend an entire month in an orange jump suit pounding out Florida vanity plates for New York snow birds. What a tragic life.
Then again, while it might be tragic, it’s still a life. Which is more than Mario Reyes, the guy you clipped, can say.
