Posts Tagged ‘Egypt’

SUCKS TO BE Fox News, the most geographically-challenged media outlet

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
Congratulations on your new home, Egypt! Have you met your next door neighbor, Mahmoud Ahmadinecrazyfucker?

Congratulations on your new home, Egypt! Have you met your next door neighbor, Mahmoud Ahmadinecrazyfucker?

In the July 27 edition of Fox News’ The Live Desk, which claims to deliver “the most accurate breaking news first,” war lovers across America received a groundbreaking report: Egypt is now Iraq. Yes, while we’ve been busy re-shifting our focus to kicking some Taliban ass in Afghanistan, King Tut and company apparently went through the back door and claimed Saddam’s former kingdom from the U.S. of A.

And while it sucks to be you, Fox News, for being so immensely ignorant, myopic and careless with your fair and balanced misinformation, we at STBY think it would suck a whole lot worse to be the new Egypt.

Good luck resolving the 1,500 year-old bloodbath between the Shiites and Sunnis. If we could depart any knowledge to you from our 6-year failed attempt at peace, well, we’d simply tell you to run like an Egyptian.

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Posted in Dumbasses, National/World Interest, Politics, Public Humiliation | No Comments »

SUCKS TO BE the most naive grandma-to-be in Egypt

Friday, July 10th, 2009
Daddy!

Daddy!

A Polish woman has filed a lawsuit against an Egyptian hotel after claiming her teenage daughter got pregnant from using their pool.

Magdalena Kwiatkowska says that her 13-year-old angel got knocked up by  a wayward sperm that was darting around in the hotel’s waters.

At least, that’s what her daughter told her. And besides, could there possibly be any other explanation? Girl. On vacation. In hotel. With boys.  Of course not! It had to be the pool.

Her daughter also claims that the dashing young man in her bed that morning was just a bellhop who needed a nap. And the naughty toys on the nightstand were magically left there by King Tut.

Listen, Magdalena…a little parenting advice. Kids do stuff they shouldn’t. And sometimes, they lie to cover their butts (or in this case the other side).  That missing cookie when your kid was 5? Not stolen by the Cookie Monster. And that broken vase you loved so much? It didn’t fall off the mantel because of the Earth’s rotation.

So, if you think you’re going to win this paternity suit, think again. Because you’re not getting any child support from Khalfani, the pool boy.
Sucks to be you.

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Posted in Dumbasses | 1 Comment »