Posts Tagged ‘England’

SUCKS TO BE a vocal college fornicator

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

Quiet+signThe student union at Cambridge University’s Newnham College e-mailed the school’s 400 undergraduate students, asking them to be quieter during sexual encounters.

The student union said it sent the e-mail to all undergrads Tuesday after receiving 30 complaints about late-night “oohs” and “aahs” and “will you respect me in the mornings” in the residence halls.

“It’s just so embarrassing to think that people have been listening in. I was blushing when I got the email,” a 20-year-old student said. “You try to keep it down, but it’s easy to forget the walls are so thin if you get a bit carried away.”

Sucks to zip it up when the zippers are down.

When asked if they would abide by the ordinance for quieter rubbing of the uglies, the response was an overwhelming yes… Yes! YES! YES! YEEESSSS!!!

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Posted in Society | No Comments »

SUCKS TO BE accosted by the butt sniffing shopper

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

As weird fetishes go, this one is right up there with people who iron their underwear and follow Ashton Kutcher on twitter . It’s called incognito stock boy butt sniffing.

So far, there is one reported case in the world. And wouldn’t ‘cha know it, we here at STBY have found it.

The man in question, as you will see, attempts to get a whiff of the grocery store employee’s hind parts up to 20 different times. His attempts to follow him down the aisle while pretending to check out the eggs and the orange juice and bread is quite entertaining… er… disturbing.

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Posted in Perverts | 2 Comments »

SUCKS TO BE living next to John Norman, obsessive Springsteen fan

Friday, April 10th, 2009

(boom, flap…boom, flap…boom, flap…boom, flap)

Born down in a dead man’s town
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground
You end up like a dog that’s been beat too much
‘Til you spend half your life just covering up

Born in the U.S.A.!
Born in the U.S.A.!!
Born in the U.S.A.!!!
Born in the U.S.A.!!!!

Imagine having that song blare through the walls of your quiet English flat while you’re trying to get some shut eye. And while you’re having a spot of tea. And while you’re watching Benny Hill reruns. And while shagging the missus.

That’s the problem everybody living next to Springsteen fan John Norman has been experiencing for well over a year. Norman, who by all accounts has a limited selection of music (and by limited, we mean one album) treats the apartment complex to a Boss concert at high volumes at all times of the day. And even after repeated citations by law enforcement to stop, he continues be his neighbor’s own personal Casey Kasem. Except of course, that he doesn’t quite have 40 songs.

Nope just a handful by Mr. Jersey, himself.

For Norman’s neighbors, the sucky experience has been like living in Wembley Stadium. Only they don’t have to wait in line for their bathroom. And there’s nobody puking on their chairs.  So in that regard, they’re pretty lucky.

But that doesn’t change the fact that Norm’s neighbors are all Springsteened out.  Of course, the future doesn’t look much brighter for these poor folks. Bruce just released a new album. And we hear it’s pretty good.

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Posted in Celebrities, Douchebags | No Comments »

SUCKS TO BE hit by a car the moment you're released from jail

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
Mr. Hodgson, meet driver on cell phone.

Mr. Hodgson, meet driver on cell phone.

For Sean Hodgson, it started off as one hell of a good day. After spending 27 years in an English prison for a murder he did not commit, Sean was set free. With papers in hand, and a smile as wide as the Thames on his face, he merrily walked out of the shadow of the penitentiary and across the street.

And that’s when it hit him.

The taxi, that is. It appears that old Mr. Hodgson had forgotten one of the basic rules of free life (namely, look both ways before crossing the street) and one of England’s trusty cabbies gave him a refresher course by imprinting his radiator grille on his ass.

Sucks to be Sean Hodgson. You see, unbeknownst to Sean, a lot had changed in the world since he last tried to maneuver around the motor cars and double decker buses on his way to the pub.

Back in the day, people in cars drove. They didn’t chat on the mobile or sync their iPods or fixate on the GPS or read e-mails on the Blackberry or flip through a 150 stations on Sirius looking for the Heavy Metal channel. They drove. And recently-freed prisoners could safely assume that they could get from the left side of the street to the right side of the street without winding up in the hospital.

But that’s exactly where Sean Hodgson is today — recovering comfortably with a couple fistfuls of Vicodin and the urge to really kill somebody. Just for his own safety.

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Posted in Bodily Harm, Criminals | No Comments »