The new STBY world headquarters

As we sit in STBY’s dimly-lit, lead-encased underground shelter surrounded by canned goods, we feel it’s our duty to skip our story on the man who got his balls caught in his bicycle chain, and inform you of this sucky news: We’re all going to get blown up!!!!!!

Apparently, the United States’ 266-page manifesto detailing its nuclear program was  mistakenly released to the public.  And by public we mean the crazy mad Taliban. And the dickhead suicide bombers. And all the nut jobs holed up in a shanty in Wyoming who’ve been looking for a recipe to knock off a few thousand bystanders.

Merry Christmas, guys. Your user’s guide as arrived.

Now run along to your local Kinkos, make a few hundred copies and pass it along to everyone on your friends list.

We’ll be here in our undisclosed location. Cowering.