Every once in a while, a story so ironic comes along that it’s just too unbelievable to be unbelievable.

Enter Oran Canfield, a 35-year-old recovering junkie who was abandoned by his father as a baby, neglected by his mother and is now the drummer of an angry psycho-rock band named Child Abuse—whose slit-your-wrist chart-bottomers include songs like “Wrong Hole” and “I Hate Me.” Oran is one month’s savings away from the soup kitchen, and tours with Child Abuse in an old-ass van that breaks down daily and whose heating system doesn’t work.

Apparently, the damage done to Oran by his daddy skipping town was pretty severe. But to be fair, the old man had some pretty important stuff to do. Like writing the feel-good, sappy self-help books in the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. That’s right, Oran’s father, Jack Canfield is the author of the fantastically popular books that made an entire generation of stay-at-home moms feel good about being shut-ins.

Well here’s some flowery, self-help advice for you, Jack: abandoning your pregnant wife and one-year-old son is a pretty shitty thing to do. Judging by the names of Child Abuse’s songs, it’s safe to say that your son is about to lose his noodles.