Posts Tagged ‘gas station’

SUCKS TO BE Roger Mayes, running on fumes

Friday, February 5th, 2010
"I won't pay for anything." Oh yes, you will, Roger. Oh yes, you will.

"I won't pay for anything." Oh yes, you will, Roger. Oh yes, you will.

“You are going to die and go to hell,” is what Roger Mayes yelled to the gas station clerk in a fit of rage before he drove his piece of shit 2001 Ford Explorer into the BP gas station that had the audacity to have a pre-pay policy for their fuel.

Roger, my friend, it sucks to be wound up like a 49-year-old virgin. Of all things in life that could flip someone’s psycho switch, yours was the mere thought of having to swipe your debit card to fill up your tank?

Not all the times you asked for ketchup for your FatAss Fries at the Mickey D’s drive thru and got one lousy packet? Not when you realized how badly damaged you were as a man because your dad called you a Nancy as a boy? Not watching the nightly news stories about the hurricane of unemployment and the tornado that destroyed your cousin’s trailer park?

Well, instead of just paying for your damn petro, you had to be subdued with a stun gun and you’re facing charges of attempted murder for nearly turning the gas station clerk into an oil stain (watch video here).

Sucks to be running on a tank full of lunacy.

SUCKS TO BE Warren Wiley, flatulent drug smuggler

Monday, October 5th, 2009
Farts aren't funny when they land you in jail

Farts aren't funny when they land you in jail

Right now, Warren Wiley could use a good lawyer and about a  kilo of Gas-X.

Why? Because Warren’s tootin’ got him into some felony-style trouble.

As the story goes, Wiley was at a gas station when police armed with drug-sniffing dogs approached his car. The dogs, sensing Wiley had some of the nose candy in his possession, started making a scene. The cops, however, couldn’t find anything. So they took Wiley into the station’s bathroom to conduct a more thorough search.

During the procedure, Wiley felt a little rumbling down below and – whoa boy! — ripped a good one.

Unfortunately, the lingering scent of a double-stuffed burrito wasn’t the only thing that shot out of Warren’s ass. Twenty-two grams of white powder did as well.

Sucks to have nature call at such an inopportune time.

As a result of the gastro-intestinal mishap, Wiley was arrested and booked on numerous charges including criminal mischief, drug possession and detonation of a really stinky explosive.