Vroom! Vroom!

This week, Craig David, Jr. stole $50 from his girlfriend, and then proceeded to flee the scene of the crime on a Wal Mart scooter. Yes, he tried to evade capture riding a stroller.

Needless to say, law enforcement had no trouble catching up to him. Hell, Grandma Smithers with the bad hip and the diverticulitis had no problem catching up to him. The guy was doing 3.2 mph out of the parking lot. Soccer moms with shopping carts full of underwear and bulk-packaged cookies were yelling at Craig to move the hell out of their way.

Sucks to feel the need for speed.

Dude, don’t you know that to get away you need a vehicle that can actually get somewhere? Think sports car. Bicycle. A decent pair of running shoes.

A scooter, clearly ain’t gonna cut it.

After the 4.3 second chase past the shopping cart return bin, Mr. David was apprehended and charged with robbery and disorderly conduct. Although, our guess is he may get leniency for being such a safe driver.