It used to be that when you took the Pinto out on the cobblestone streets of Collinsville, Illinois, you’d get treated to a little piece of Americana — The Strippermobile.
That’s right, in this quaint little town, a pickup truck hauling women in pasties and thongs could be seen roaming the streets and making old men wreck their cars into telephone poles.
But, sadly, this little piece of culture is gone. Banned by a city council made up of Puritans, Amish and guys named Falwell.
Sucks to live in a town run by eunuchs.
Apparently people found the striptease act during rush hour a bit of a traffic-jam maker. Sort of like slowing down to watch a car wreck, only the moans coming out of the vehicle sound a little hotter.
Not all the residents are happy about the new anti-obscenity law. As one gentleman put it, “They let those damn Smart Cars on the road, and what kind of pussy piece of crap could be more offensive than that?”
WARNING ILLINOIS RESIDENTS: Please drink one 12 pack of Red Bull immediately before reading. We cannot guarantee the entertainment value of this post, and yawning from boredom is prohibited by law.
When you’re running for office, you want endorsements. The PTA? Good. The local church? Also good. The Fraternal Order of Police? Great. But when you get a ringing endorsement from a guy who was caught red-handed trying to sell that seat and is looking at impeachment and most likely removal from office and is pretty much a pariah in his own party and throughout the political world, endorsements aren’t such a good thing. So to Roland Burris, we say, congratulations. And condolences. It kinda sucks to be you today.
