Where the f**k is everyone?
When a trio of ski-mask-wearing, gun-wielding thieves rode up on a Joliet, Illinois grocery store, they expected to scare the living cash out of pretty much everyone waiting in the Self-Scan lines.
Their evil plan was to go in, flash some firepower, and leave with bags of greenbacks, credit cards and $1 off coupons for Tide.
But what they found was 100,000 square feet of bupkus.
Not a single person was in the store. No customers. No stock boys. Not even a clerk they could hold at gun point until she gave up her change purse and the security code to the cash register.
Instead of hauling ass to a store that actually had customers with wallets, the three stooges, Sanjuan Reyes, 22, Jose Torres, 17, and a 16-year-old boy, hung out nearby and were eventually arrested by police.
Yep, the big time armed-robbers were hauled downtown for loitering.
Sucks to commit the crime of bad timing.
WARNING ILLINOIS RESIDENTS: Please drink one 12 pack of Red Bull immediately before reading. We cannot guarantee the entertainment value of this post, and yawning from boredom is prohibited by law.
When you’re running for office, you want endorsements. The PTA? Good. The local church? Also good. The Fraternal Order of Police? Great. But when you get a ringing endorsement from a guy who was caught red-handed trying to sell that seat and is looking at impeachment and most likely removal from office and is pretty much a pariah in his own party and throughout the political world, endorsements aren’t such a good thing. So to Roland Burris, we say, congratulations. And condolences. It kinda sucks to be you today.
