Posts Tagged ‘indecent exposure’

SUCKS TO BE buying salami from the Safeway at 707 South Boulder Road in Louisville, CO

Monday, March 1st, 2010
Where's the beef? Well, in fact, it's right here, Miss.

Where's the beef? Well, in fact, it's right here.

Nicholas Lorenzo, 25, was arrested recently after a woman told police that when she approached the meat counter at a local Safeway, she noticed the meat-man was playing with his man-meat.

Sucks to have that revolting image pop into your head for the rest of your life every time you chomp into a turkey and Swiss.

But you’ve gotta admit, lady, it blows way worse to be the thousands of people who got their deli delights from the Salami Slapper before you caught him with his pants down. Because they never got the chance to say, “Hold the mayo.”

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Posted in Perverts | 1 Comment »

SUCKS TO BE convicted of in-home nudity

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

nakedAt some point in time, or daily, we’ve all walked around the house with our Johnsons or Vajayjays exposed after a nice warm shower. It’s one of the most liberating parts of life. The nakedness. The tour of pride throughout the house with the air flowing sweetly between your legs.

But if you’re Erick Williamson of Fairfax, VA, your towel-less drip-drying masquerade has landed you in jail for 180 days. Count ‘em. Six months.

Williamson reportedly exposed himself to two women and a 7-year-old boy who passed his home while he was in the buck, and now he’s being sent to the slammer. Convicted of indecent exposure.

Isn’t it indecent enough to have to stare at your own growing beer gut in the mirror? To find random hairs growing on your left shoulder and right butt cheek? To recognize the nasty effects of cold air?

As far as we’re concerned, Mr. Williamson, the women and the boy who saw your goods should be the ones going to jail. For peeping on your shriveled Peter. Or should we say, your Erick.

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SUCKS TO BE arrested for getting a case of the backdoor trots

Thursday, November 5th, 2009
Why the constipated look, David?

Why the constipated look, David?

David Todd Napodano, a 42-year-old Florida man, was arrested this week for exposing himself to a mom and her daughter in a Chevrolet box-truck van in a store parking lot.

His excuse? “Explosive diarrhea.” The kind that rumbles and is ready to roll in mere seconds, causing one to break out in a sweat, panic and sprint to the nearest place of relief like the poop police are after you.

But the mortified women’s report contains a detail that calls his story into question: Napodano allegedly stood up in his van and shook his hips at them. Now I don’t know about you, but the last thing I’d be doing if I had a serious case of the runs would be standing up. That’s just asking for a hot messy accident, especially considering how much upholstery is in a box-truck van.

According to police, upon examining Napodano’s underwear, no evidence of uncontrolled bowels was present. So unless he had a bad spat with invisible diahrrea, it appears Napodano is completely full of shit.

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