Indian do-badder Kamjai Khong Thavorn is not so fortunate.
You see, when he was sent up the river in 1987, he had the misfortune of getting the lady in booking who couldn’t tpye (like us!). And so, instead of marking his date of incarceration as 1987, she put 1997. As a result, Mr. Thavorn, who was given a 20-year sentence, was not released in 2007. In fact, it took Indian authorities a full three years to discover their clerical error.

That’s three extra years of curry-soaked jail food. Three extra years of playing pick-up games of  Kabbadi in the yard.  Three extra years of fending off Aadesh, the lifer with they horny streak.

Sucks to do time because someone couldn’t pass their steno class.

If you've seen this girl, call authorities immediately.

Ismail Sheikh, of eastern India, really, really sucks at cards. He also really, really sucks at parenting. You see, when Mr. Sheikh lost all of his money during a game with the guys, he didn’t accept his defeat, grab a beer, and retreat to the man cave to fantasize about Suzy Kolber on ESPN.

Instead he threw his daughter into the pot.

And when he lost his bid for a straight on the River, he lost his lovely 18-year-old offspring too.

Um, Ismail, before you walk into your grass hut version of the Bellagio and squander away the rest of your clan, you might want to brush up on the finer points of bluffing and raising. Because when all the kids and the wives and the goats are gone, you’re on your own. And the only card game you’ll be able to play is Solitaire. Which you probably suck at, too.

Take that, you stupid law maker!

Way back in 1991 the Indian government, in an attempt to curb animal cruelty, banned snake charmers. You know, those freaky dudes who get pythons to dance out of a basket on cue?

Yeah, well with no means of gainful employment in almost two decades, these reptile enthusiasts had plenty of time to contemplate the merits of the law. And to put it bluntly, they are mad as hell. So, deciding that the ban is unfair, they have taken to the streets in a protest to get their jobs back.

Which totally sucks for the folks who banned the charming in the first place. Why? Because now they have a thousand angry, out-of-work citizens coming after them. With snakes who’ll do whatever they say.

Not a comforting thought, to be sure.

So snake-charmer banners, you might want to cut out of work early and hide. Because you’ve got a thousand pythons coming after you. Pythons who need a job. Need a meal. And can eat an entire llama—or an idiotic politician—in one sitting.

Sucks to be snake food.

Because your day in court is about 4,082,160 days away. You see, the Indian justice system is – get this – 466 years behind. Not 466 days. Not 466 weeks. They’re 466 years off schedule. That’s worse than the plumber who keeps promising to get to your leaky faucet or the cable guy who is supposed to install your new DVR.

We can only guess why the  legal system in India is so backlogged. Maybe OJ whacked somebody over there and is dragging out the trial, like he did here.  Maybe they’re on exhibit 546,535,193 in Bhanjee v. The Traffic Police. Or, maybe they just have a lot of pick pockets.

It doesn’t really matter. It just means the people of India can’t make a buck the good old fashioned American way.