Posts Tagged ‘Japan’

SUCKS TO BE partly cloudy with a chance of tadpoles

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!"

In Japan, when it rains, it ribbits.

You see, for the past month or so, the Japanese have been experiencing sudden downpours of tadpoles. Yes little Kermits-to-be have literally been falling from the sky.

It’s the worst animal attack on Japan since Godzilla trampled the Budokan. And it’s freaking the locals out.

Scientists attribute the amphibious  Kamikaze missions to strong winds, storms and water spouts.

Japanese TV weathermen, of course, never saw it coming. They were predicting torrential downpours of salamanders.

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Posted in Animals | 1 Comment »

SUCKS TO BE Sal9000, Japanese dude who married Nene Anegasaki, non-existent video game character

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

On November 22,  Japanese geek extraordinaire Sal9000 became officially wedded with Nene Anegasaki, a video game babe from the Nintendo DS dating simulator Love Plus. The game enables romantically-challenged men like Sal to feel less like losers, providing them with virtual women to kiss, touch, take out on dates, perform fellatio on, marry—you know, normal relationship stuff.

Be careful not to get hurt though, Sal9000. There’s no way for you to know how many other lonely, horny Japanese men Nene has been with before you. She might just give you a nasty virus, that dirty little bitmap.

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Posted in Douchebags | 1 Comment »

SUCKS TO BE awaiting a FedEx package

Monday, March 23rd, 2009

Thanks to the wonder that is the Internet, you’re able to search the entire global marketplace for any product imaginable in under 5 minutes without even getting off your ass. Yet when you reach the checkout screen, you discover it’s gonna’ take 2-4 weeks for your package to arrive.

We’ve all been there, and it’s infuriatingly sucky.

So in a state of last-minute-confirm-the-details-of-your-order-panic, you cough up the extra $9,842.99 to have FedEx ship your brand spakin’ new laptop in 2-4 days instead—just in time for little Jimmy’s 16th birthday. He’s going to be thrilled. You are officially the World’s Greatest Dad.

But if Jimmy’s special day happens to be this weekend, well, we’ve got some sucky news for you. Because from the looks of this video, Jimmy’s new laptop isn’t going to arrive in 2-4 days. Or ever.

Sucks to be you.

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Posted in General Suckiness | No Comments »

SUCKS TO BE crapping yourself before you get your pants down

Friday, March 13th, 2009
"Holy Sh!t!"

"Holy Sh!t!"

You’ve had your oatmeal, your brand muffin and your cup of coffee. So, you grab the sports page, and head off to the reading room to let nature take its course. But when you open the door, you don’t just see the usual profanities, slutty phone numbers and totally inappropriate poetry scribbled on the walls, you see yourself standing on the edge of a 200-foot cliff.

Sucks to be you.

Yes, folks, this is a bathroom stall. A creatively-designed bathroom stall, we admit. But it’s also a very dangerous stall. Why? Because what the inventors of this particular outhouse failed to realize is that there’s a huge difference between taking a shit and having the shit scared out of you. (HINT: One involves the need for a backup pair of shorts.)

Call us old school, but if we were to doodle a mural on a bathroom wall, we’d go for something a little more appropriate for the occasion. Mr. Hankey, perhaps?

(Thanks to Eddie for the submission)

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Posted in Random/Weird, Sports | No Comments »

SUCKS TO BE munching on testicles

Wednesday, January 28th, 2009

g02016art01Ya know folks, there are several ways we here at STBY could go on this one.

a) Sucks to be hungry enough to eat testicles.

b) Sucks to get sick eating testicles.

c) Sucks to have testicles pumped out of your stomach.

But we’ll just leave it at this: Sucks to eat testicles. Period.

You see, it seems a group of Japanese diners – male diners –  are currently in the hospital after chowing down on tainted blowfish balls.

And while we’d like to express our sympathies to the gourmets, we can only say this: Serves you right.

Gentlemen, what in the hell are you thinking ordering fish ‘nads off the menu? There wasn’t lobster or crab cakes or sushi  that night?  You couldn’t have gone with the kid’s meal chicken nuggets?  Fish sack sounded the most appetizing?  Really?

C’mon. You’re all men. You all have testicles. You know what they look like. Do they seem like something that might taste good? Do they appear to be something you’d want to sautee in butter and garlic? Do they look like something that could use a nice garnish?

If you answered yes, well then, it sucks to be you.

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Posted in Bodily Harm, Dumbasses | No Comments »