Juan Ovalle is very focused on your family—if you have horny daughters who are minors.

Right wing Christian fundamentalists who don’t have sex with minors or gays, it sucks to be you.

Because everywhere you turn, it seems someone keeps falling for Satan’s deceitful ways and jeopardizing your group’s express ticket to heaven. It seems all that talk about sin and sinners and hell and reckoning can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This week’s lesson in Religulousness: Juan Alberto Ovalle, a Colorado Springs man who narrates the Bible in Spanish on CDs and works in the Spanish broadcasting department of Focus on the Family, and who is facing two felony counts of using the Internet to lure a 15-year-old girl for sex.

(Listen here to Ovalle reading various admonitions against unlawful fornication from 1 Corinthians.)

Our advice to sexually repressed preachy perverts like Ovalle is to take a break from your Bible studyin’ every once in a while and Focus on the Television (don’t worry, it’s not a sin to watch). There’s a show called To Catch a Predator, where you’d quickly learn that hot 15-year-old virgins who want disgusting pigs like you to be their first simply don’t exist.

They’re a fake, a facade, a smokescreen.

Just like you.