Posts Tagged ‘kids’

SUCKS TO BE picked on by PETA

Friday, February 12th, 2010

peta-duggars-300x91

Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, whose 19-children family would qualify them as the nation’s 17th largest city, is getting picked on by the most unlikely of abusers: PETA.

Yep, the animal rights group is pounding on them like Rush Limbaugh on a baby seal.

Their weapon of choice? A billboard.

You see, in northern Arkansas, PETA has put up a rather provocative advertisement that reads, “Doggies multiply faster than Duggars.”

Ouch, PETA. Way to embarrass the USA’s only hope of out-peopling China.

And while it may be true that Daddy Duggar has about as much sexual restraint as a stray Rottweiler, it’s really not nice to publicly humiliate him.

In PETA’s defense, a spokesman said that by using the Duggar name, they hope to encourage pet owners to spay and neuter their cats and dogs.

I don’t know about you, the billboard just makes us want to spay and neuter the Duggars.

SUCKS TO BE David, Derek, Dylan, Debra and Darcy

Monday, January 4th, 2010
D is for Death

D is for Death

If your parents saddled you with a name that begins with the letter “D,”they might as well have given you a pack of Marlboros and lighter. Because research shows that folks whose names start with that unfortunate letter live 10 years less than folks whose names begin with the letter A.

Sucks to be you Donald Duck, David Duchovny and Dilbert.

Researchers believe that the difference in life expectancy relates to a subconscious link to school grades, where A represents high achievement and D near failure. As a result,  people with D names are more likely to develop lifelong low self-esteem, which, in turn, may lower their defenses against disease.

The report also confirmed that kids named Dexter and Dick experienced a higher number of life-endangering swirlies in elementary school.

So, if your names starts with the letter “D,” prepare yourself. Because you’re about to go the way of the Dinosaur a lot sooner than you think.

SUCKS TO BE in a commercial

Friday, January 16th, 2009

To all of us parents out there who—by virtue of being parents—never get the chance to have the kind of real sex we imagine when we’re having fake sex with ourselves, it sucks to be us. Thanks, KY Jelly, for the reminder at 11:32pm on a Friday, as we all turn in to bed for another predictable session.