If you ask Michael Dick (yes, that’s his actual name), “fondling” isn’t the best way to describe what happened to him. Because when an 88-year-old woman grabbed his goods, she wasn’t looking for a good time, she was looking for revenge. You see, Mr. Dick (can you believe that’s his real name?) wasn’t a husband or a lover, he was a robber. A naked robber. A stupid naked robber. And when he broke into a senior citizen’s home buck naked, the victim decided to take matters into her own…well…hands. The hand job Mr. Dick received, however, didn’t send him to Happy Land, it sent him to the slammer. And probably to a urologist.