Where's the beef? Well, in fact, it's right here.

Nicholas Lorenzo, 25, was arrested recently after a woman told police that when she approached the meat counter at a local Safeway, she noticed the meat-man was playing with his man-meat.

Sucks to have that revolting image pop into your head for the rest of your life every time you chomp into a turkey and Swiss.

But you’ve gotta admit, lady, it blows way worse to be the thousands of people who got their deli delights from the Salami Slapper before you caught him with his pants down. Because they never got the chance to say, “Hold the mayo.”