The victim. And the assailant.

It was a ghastly, scary scream coming from inside the Gamla Fangelset hotel in Sweden. The sound was unmistakable. Someone was being assaulted, beaten, perhaps even murdered. So Swedish authorities jumped into action. Armed with battering rams and other assorted door-crushing devices, they broke into the room to save the damsel in distress.

But what they found being tortured wasn’t a woman, but a song. Yes, the painful howls were actually that of an Opera singer… practicing.

Ouch.

Let us be Simon Cowell blunt here. If your voice is mistaken for the cries of a slasher victim, you SUCK as a singer. You suck worse than Ashlee Simpson at the Orange Bowl. You suck worse than Milli Vanilli without the lip synching. You suck worse than your drunk uncle trying to finish off “Alde Lang Syne” at the family New Year’s Eve party.

And someone — even if it’s not the director of your Opera troupe — has got to break the news to you. So allow us the honors. Go find another job. As a librarian. As a horse whisperer. As a mime. Anything where nobody has to hear you.

Because in all honesty, if you continue your current career path, it is going to suck to be anyone in Sweden.