Folks in the town of Truckee, California are not happy. When MTV came a-callin’ asking if they could erect a statue in their town square for a new reality show, they didn’t realize they would get an actual erection. Channel 10 News takes the story from here.
Posts Tagged ‘penis’
SUCKS TO BE invaded by MTV penis sculptors
Tuesday, March 16th, 2010SUCKS TO BE Jonah Falcon, most endowed man in the unemployment line
Saturday, January 2nd, 2010
If you’ve got the world’s longest penis, you might think that finding a job would be easy. One call to Ron Jeremy, and you should have enough work to keep you in Magnums for life.
But Jonah Falcon, whose Johnson measures an impressive 13.5 inches when he’s staring at a picture of Charlize Theron, can’t seem to find employment anywhere. Not as an underwear model. Not as a show and tell subject in an anatomy class.
In fact, Jonah’s job prospects have shriveled up to the point where he’s now living with his mother.
Um, Jonah… maybe if you relied on some other body parts– like your brains and your hands — you might find a few more people willing to give you an interview. The world needs car makers and carpenters and accountants. Not some guy standing around with his ginormous thingy swinging to and fro.
So, go take a few classes at your community college, get trained at flipping burgers, learn to say, “Hi, welcome to WalMart.” Because if you’re counting on your “Ripleys Believe it or Not” member to bring you a steady paycheck, you’re going to be living with your mom for a long, long time.
SUCKS TO BE horny for a dumb bell
Thursday, September 24th, 2009
Nice rack.
Ask fitness god Tony Horton, and he’ll tell you there are a lot of different exercises you can do with a dumb bell. Curls, presses, flys.
Shtupping, however, is not one of them. For one Costa Mesa gym member, who got his own member caught in the hole of a dumb bell collar, that tidbit of information came a bit too late.
Apparently, the 50-year-old kinkmeister was using the weight to make his Johnson longer. What it actually did was make it wider — as in swollen. In fact, his package became so inflamed, that he couldn’t get the improvised cock ring off.
So not to panic, the man waited. And waited. And waited And waited for his little metallic girlfriend to be freed. After three days, with things starting to get a little uncomfortable and discolored, the man called in The Urban Search and Rescue Squad (and their saws) to help.
Sucks to have the authorities give you a hand job while every news affiliate in Cali is hitting “record.”
Our advice? Stop dating the weight equipment. Because if you think it’s bad when it breaks your dick, just wait till it breaks your heart. That pain, my friend, never goes away.
SUCKS TO BE a cheating husband with his penis superglued to his body
Thursday, August 6th, 2009
Piss off one woman, and you sleep on the couch. Piss off four, and you get your weenie Krazy Glued to your torso. At least that’s how it works with the angry ladies of Wisconsin.
You see, when one unnamed man carried on affairs with three different mistresses, he thought he was Don Juan and Nick Jonas all wrapped up into one. What he actually was, was a huge freakin’ dumbass. Because he failed to hide his little secret from any of the babes he was bagging. And as a result, they all found out he was unfaithful, they all met each other and they all conspired to seek revenge.
Dude? Four pissed off women coming after you? That’s more dangerous than a Garanimals zipper in the hands of a 3-year-old boy.
As the story goes, the mistresses (Therese Ziemann, Michelle Belliveau and Wendy Sewell) got together with the jilted wife to lure the cheating little bastard to a motel. But instead of greeting him with the most awesome fivesome in the history of Wisconsin adultery, they greeted him with a gluejob.
Then to add insult to injury, they mocked him with comments like, “Hmmm, it gets small when you’re scared.”
Nice.
Let this be a lesson to all men whose eyes wander. Stick to your woman, or she might stick it to you. Literally.
SUCKS TO BE a "rifle"-handling cop
Monday, February 16th, 2009Of all the hazards a police officer faces each day — machine-gun toting crooks, whacked-out drug dealers, angry blue haired women with purses — droopy pants might be the worst of all.
And here is the evidence to prove it. This cop, while performing a routine search on a suspect with falling drawers, found a weapon. A six-inch semi-automatic man weapon, if you catch our drift.
Fault, in our legal opinion, goes to the suspect who doesn’t realize that the only point of pants is to cover up the very thing that wasn’t. But that doesn’t change the fact that the officer will be facing a First Degree Trespassing charge.
This video, of course, only tells part of the story. What we don’t see is the officer back at the precinct sawing his hand off.
