Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?

Five sailors died digging his grave.

Badoom!

And speaking of Polish funerals, there’s the real-life, not-so-funny story of one Josef Guzy who collapsed at his home and was pronounced dead by the Polish rescue squad.

“There were no signs of life when his wife called the ambulance, said  Jerzy Wisniewski, a spokesman for the ambulance service. “An experienced doctor with a specialist qualification in resuscitation found that the patient was not breathing, there was no heartbeat and the body had cooled — all the characteristics of death.”

Expect for this minor detail: Mr. Guzy was actually alive.

Don’t know what they teach you at the Gdansk Medical School for Retards, but you should find out where the heart is before you can actually check for the heartbeat. Putting that stethoscope on the man’s balls ain’t gonna tell you much at all, Dr. Dumbasski.

As a result of the misdiagnosis, Mr. Guzy was strapped into a coffin and sent off to the funeral home for family and friends to say their final goodbyes.

Just minutes before Josef was to be sent off to feed the worms, the undertaker discovered that Mr. Guzy actually had a pulse.

Doctor’s confirmed the undertaker’s findings. And after several hours of researching the Polack Book of Medical Procedures, they decided to postpone the burial.

Badoom!