It’s sucky enough when one of those inconsiderate latchkey kids takes a whiz in your pool, leaving it there for you to bathe in for the rest of the summer.
But when a guy drinks a fifth of hooch, rolls around in a pile of his own feces and does a half pike off your diving board? Then you’ve really got problems.
Such was the misfortune of one Florida family, who strolled out to their back yard pool, only to find a crap-covered crook taking a bath.
The intruder, Robert Stark Higgins, could not explain how the dookie became spackled on his body. All he knew is he wanted it off. “I would have dove into a puddle of mudd if one was around,” said the slightly more sober Higgins. “That shit was nasty.”
Not as nasty as the job in front of the family’s minimum wage pool boy, who has been instructed to bring his HazMat suit to work.
Sucks to be you, Guillermo.
