Police in Shippensburg are on the lookout for the Shippensburg Prowler.

It’s a fancy name for the creepy perv who’s allegedly entering the homes of young women and watching them while they sleep, only to leave when the victim awakes.

There are only 3,011 ladies in the booming Pennsylvania metropolis. Which means word gets around fast. So Mr. Sleepinsburg Prowler, it is going to seriously suck to be you when one of these chicks flips on a lamp and the first thing she lays eyes on is your face. She’s gonna’ go more psychotic than you already are and kick your ass. And we’re praying she kicks your balls, too.

Witnesses describe you as white, 30 to 50 years old and with a medium build.

We would have described you as Master Oogway in Kung-Fu Panda.

Or that smart genius who owns Microsoft.

Or an old Volkswagen Beetle with the headlights on.

But hey, Shippsler, no matter what people say you look like, you’ll always suck in our book of Least Helpful Police Drawings Ever.