Sucks To Be You blog » stripper

SUCKS TO BE a public figure caught in your car in a cemetery with a stripper and sex toys

Mike — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 06:02:29 +0000

Yeah, if I had a naked stripper in my car, I'd be smiling too.

US Deputy Assistant Attorney-General Roland Corning is now former US Deputy Assistant Attorney-General Roland Corning.

It seems that the people in charge of picking US Deputy Assistant Attorney-Generals in South Carolina like their candidates to have a little more discretion and a little less T and A in their car.

Clearly, Roland didn’t fit the bill. You see, earlier this week he was caught parked in a cemetery with an 18-year-old-barely-legal stripper. And when he was discovered, he not only had the tart’s boobs in his possession, he also had a bag full of sex toys.

Apparently, the Ron Jeremy of law enforcement wanted to conduct one of his patented body cavity searches. The police had other ideas.

No charges were filed. But Roland’s bosses were mighty pissed, and gave him and his bottle of Viagra the boot.

You’d think that in a state where governors go off to Argentina to shack up on the tax payers’ dime, a horndog like Roland would only get a slap on the wrist and maybe one of those bullshit paid administrative leave things. But, it seems the handcuffs, the tub of KY and an audience of dead people was a little too much for them to bear.

Sucks to live in a state of prudes, doesn’t it Roland?

SUCKS TO BE a teenager in Providence looking for a job

Mike — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 11:05:49 +0000

Providence, Rhode Island City Council is about to pass a law that bans anyone under 18 from performing as professional strippers. Which is really bad news for the girls looking to earn a little money they can turn around and waste on overpriced clothes at Aeropostale.

So, sucks to be you, Ashley and Courtney and Jessi with a heart over the “i”.

Looks like it’s back to the really crappy jobs like flipping greasy burgers at McDonald’s or waiting on a-holes at Denny’s or ringing up white trash crap at Walmart.

Oh, and good luck even getting those jobs. Because with unemployement at 9.8% in the country, chances are your mom and dad will be applying for them too.

SUCKS TO BE booted off a strippers' pole because your routine is too raunchy

Gary — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 21:15:41 +0000

Lisa Lewis is a self-proclaimed “international star, exotic dancer and soft porn star.” She bethinks herself a “classy” dame. And now, she can also call herself unemployed. Because during a recent pole-slide at Sexpo, her place of gainful employment, Lisa’s “too risque” behavior got her stripped of her dental floss uniform.

Lisa had already received a slap on the tits…er…wrist once before for her raunchy antics. But she crossed the line this time, “putting her hands in her underpants,” Sexpo general manager Rob Godwin said with regard to why he gave her the pink slip. (If it were up to us, we would have given her an Oscar.)

WTF? Isn’t risque behavior one of the job requirements for shaking your bare ass and funbags in a complete stranger’s face?

Well, as it turns out, Godwin hasn’t heard the last from Lisa Lewis. She’s now claiming that during one of her final slut struts, she broke her nose on a faulty strip pole—which she had insisted be fixed before her routine.

Lisa, it sucks to have your career ruined by a little public masturbation. But what really sucks is that you broke your nose on a stip pole. Because judging from some of the moves we’ve seen at gentlemen’s clubs, the last thing you’d want near that pole is your nose.